I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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