You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
