I'm so fucking centered right now
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
