I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
