I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
