fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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