I hate your face
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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