so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
