i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
