I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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