i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
