OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
