the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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