Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
