Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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