Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
