I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
