Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
