You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
