This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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