Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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