did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
