tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
