i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Found your dick twin last night
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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