apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
