don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
