The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
