hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
not ubering you a puppy
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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