I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
well you can't waste a boner
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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