She announced her abortion via fbk
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
