Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
