Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
