Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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