guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
