It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
