i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
