So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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