you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
