...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
