Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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