His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
