i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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