Please, let me fuck your mom
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just invented taco cereal.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
