Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Panties = found
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
