I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
