come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
