My liver just broke up with me...
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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