come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
