Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
