Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
