He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
