Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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